i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize