Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
