I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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