Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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