drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
