I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
