I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
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I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize