opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
