if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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