Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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