Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
