Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
