if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
