i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
