Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
