Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
