my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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