Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
