We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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