let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I need a burrito and a hug.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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