I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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