the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
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My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
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Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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