did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
