I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
