he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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