who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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