We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
