My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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