M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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