Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The struggles of a small town man whore
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
