i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
