Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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