I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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