Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I intend to get homeless drunk
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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