The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
