First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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