i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
