its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
