Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
