PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
