Your face is a jimmy john
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
