well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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