I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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