You don't have asthma, your pregnant
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
