remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
