No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
