u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
