I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
