My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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