She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
