that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
