I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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