I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
