Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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