i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
