Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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