You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we're making bets on your personal life
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's rum buckets o'clock
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
