You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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