if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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