What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
where are my eyebrows?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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