she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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