I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
