Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
