she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
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