I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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