I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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