I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
