I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
