I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We just shotgunned beers for America
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
