i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
