You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Drunk is not a location!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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