I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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