this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You were trust falling into bushes
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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