it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
