im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
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its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
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What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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