I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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