question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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