So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
