i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
