We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
